07.26.2009 The Adventure Begins...

Here I sit, camped out in a corner the Chicago airport for the next four hours with my meager and unsuccessful attempts to process all of this. I’ve accepted the realization that I can’t quite fathom the reality of being away from everything I know and love for two years, and I must admit, I’m incredibly grateful that I can’t quite wrap my head around this; I would undoubtedly be one hot mess if I could . I’m completely and utterly exhausted, so I’m attributing my lack of cognitive capability to that fact. It’s been an emotionally loaded weekend, watching Brocky and Sarah get married, spending time with everyone, and trying not to think about the fact that I won’t get any of this for two years…BUT, despite all of this, I’m excited. And ready.
So, here we go…..

The hard part’s over; I’ve said the goodbyes (which actually weren’t as hard as I thought they would be) and now I’m ready to do this. I think a lot of my peace of mind comes from this past week of orientation. My expectations have been exceeded as I learn more about JVI, its tenets, and the people with whom I’ll be embarking on this journey. I am humbled and honored to be surrounded by so many brilliant and compassionate individuals and am comforted to know that we will all be sharing this experience together. My roommates are simply wonderful; I am very lucky. I say that with complete excitement, and can say with all honesty that I depart to Cleveland and Belize with absolutely no hesitation. A bit of anxiety? Of course. But I’m pretty sure that moving to another country is inherently rather anxiety provoking. But the ‘fear of the unknown’ element has been eased a bit, so that’s comforting. I was honestly excited to go back, to be around all these like-minded folk and dig right back in. I certainly was not anticipating being sad to leave orientation and excited to go back…

I cannot deny the fact that the leaving was hard. It hurts, but I just haven’t allowed myself to lose it…or even to think negatively in any way. I keep thinking of this quote about not allowing yourself to “fall apart” because it creates a habit of doing so. I just know that if I start thinking negatively now that I’ll create habits of sulking about missing home, and what I’ll miss out on, etc. And the truth of the matter is that it’s simply selfish and silly to focus on that aspect when I have so much to be excited about. I simply cannot focus on the leaving, I have to focus on the going, but sometimes it’s not easy. I am so grateful for this opportunity, and can’t waste a moment on the difficulties with which it comes.

I have been overwhelmed and humbled by the support that I have received in my decision to take part in JVI. I know that some people think I’m crazy, and perhaps can’t grasp why I am choosing this path, but I understand that and have accepted that as a reality. But those who do support me, have been simply incredible. One of the requirements of participation in JVI was soliciting donations for at least $3000. In order to accomplish this, I sent out several letters to members of the Columbus community, family friends, etc, and have been amazed by the response. What was even more incredible than the monetary generosity of those who responded, were the kind words and sweet little notes that so many of you wrote to me. Those notes fill an entire manila envelope and is of the most prized of my limited possessions that fill my two suitcases. It is those words that will sustain, motivate, and inspire me, and will continue to do so throughout the entirety of my time in Belize, and will certainly be a source of comfort when I start to miss home, when my brain finally wraps itself around this reality with a firm, stubborn hold. My only hope is that this takes place in far in the future, when I’m acclimated, comfortable, and able to handle such potentially difficult emotions. Until then, well, I’m along for the ride, and will just going with the flow.

I will have one week in Cleveland and will head out to Belize August 3rd. I’m excited to get back in the orientation routine. It’s comforting knowing that there are familiar faces waiting for me back in Cleveland. This week I will participate in a silent retreat during which I intend (if it’s allowed?) to do A LOT of writing. It is my hope that this writing will be in the form of letters, and will be sent home before I ship out!

Oh. Speaking of mail… I have my new address:

Polly Pillen
Jesuit Volunteer International
St. Martin de Porres Church
P.O. Box 489
Belize City, Belize
CENTRAL AMERICA

I have to admit, I’m excited to increase my number of pen pals. I plan on spending the majority of my $60 stipend on postage. I’m very excited about this aspect of Belizean life, and embrace this whole-heartedly. I am of the firm belief that there are few things more beautiful than a hand-written letter.